


It Was All In My Head

by artbyweb86



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anger, Anxiety, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Conversations, Developing Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Dreams and Nightmares, Family Feels, M/M, Mad Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Miscommunication, Pizza/Ice Cream/Movies make all things better, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Sadness, Tags Are Hard, Why is Chris so mad?, Worried Eddie Diaz, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley, feelings are hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:14:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artbyweb86/pseuds/artbyweb86
Summary: Christopher is mad at Buck. He just can't remember why.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Kudos: 144





	It Was All In My Head

He was mad at Buck.

So mad. He was also sad.

Why would his best friend say something like that?

It hurt.

His stomach was churning with the anxiety he was feeling.

He got up from bed, reluctantly, got dressed and moved slowly toward the kitchen. His dad had just poured him a bowl of cereal.

Pushing his cereal bowl, only half eaten, away from him.

He didn't know he could feel this way.

He told his dad he wasn't feeling well. He didn't want to go to school.

Lips pressed to his forehead.

"You do feel a bit warm. Hmm..." He disappeared and came back with a thermometer. "Open."

"You don't have a temperature. You need to get ready for school. Seeing your friends always cheers you up, right?

After a few minutes of not budging and admittedly throwing a temper tantrum, his father just sat back and looked defeated.

He was not proud of making his dad sad. But he wasn't in the mood to be happy today.

He watched as his dad reached for his phone to make calls. Carla always came when he wasn't feeling well.

A few minutes later, his dad came back in with a smile on his face.

"Buck will be here shortly. I hate to leave you, but I have to go to work bud."

No, he didn't want to see Buck.

"I don't want Buck! I want you to stay."

His dad's eyes went wide.

"What? Since when have you not wanted Buck to stay with you?"

He sighed. His dad wouldn't understand. He just shrugged.

"Are you going to tell me? Or you are just being difficult today?"

He shrugged again.

A knock at the door. His dad got up.

"If you won't tell me what's wrong, then maybe you can talk to Buck about it."

But he didn't want to talk to Buck about it.

Buck had the day off today. He didn't have much planned, except to maybe go grocery shopping and run at the park.

His phone rang and it was Eddie on the other line. His stomach did a little flip. Eddie must be checking in on him, since he had to work an extra shift today.

"Hey man, do you have time to watch Chris today. He isn't feeling so great. He doesn't have a fever, but I don't want to take him to school."

"Sure, I'll be there in 15."

He gathered his wallet and keys and grabbed his extra lego set and made his way to the car. Legos always makes things better. Oh, and snacks too.

He pulled up to the house and with his hands full he couldn't get his keys out, so he knocked.

Eddie pulled the door open and a tired smile met him.

"Sorry to pull you away from your day off Buck. Chris has been in a mood from the time he woke up. He won't tell me what's going on."

"Not to worry. His Bucky is here! I come bearing games and snacks. We will have a good day!"

Eddie just chuckled. "Thanks Buck. I'll see you in the morning." A worried glance toward the bedroom.

Buck placed a hand on Eddie's cheek, waiting for him to make eye contact.

"Hey, don't worry. We'll figure this out. I'll keep you updated if anything changes. Ok? Now get to work before you are late."

Eddie leans into his touch, just for a second, before he grabs his bag and heads out.

Buck drops his stuff on the counter and makes his way to Chris's room.

The door was half way open and he could see Chris sitting at his desk, drawing.

He knocked. Chris didn't acknowledge it, and kept his head down, focused on his paper.

"Hey, Superman!"

He frowned when Chris didn't say anything. Eddie said he wasn't feeling well.

"Do you want to hang out at the park today? Fresh air always helps me when I am not feeling my best."

Silence.

"Alright, how about we go for a drive? Go to the mountains."

"No. Please leave me alone."

Buck sucked in a breath. He never heard that tone come from Chris before. But he didn't want to pry. He hoped Chris would come and tell him on his own time.

"Alright. Well, I'll be in the living room if you need me."

Buck made his way back to the kitchen, searching the fridge for what he could prepare for lunch and make it fun. Once he got that prepared, he turned on the TV and searched the channels. Finding nothing and getting bored, he turned on some music and got to work on cleaning the house. It wasn't too messy, but he felt it need a little something.

He and Eddie had been working a lot and barely had time to themselves. On days off, they were keeping busy with Chris and going on little trips.

He barely saw Chris all morning, save for his trip to the bathroom and back to his room. Buck had flashed his big smile at him and waved when he thought he was looking his direction, but he quickly put his head down and walked a little faster to his room.

Lunch rolled around faster than he thought and knocked on Chris's door again. He was sitting in his bed, reading a Spiderman comic.

"Hey, Chris. It's lunch time. I would really like if you joined me in the kitchen."

"No!"

"Chris, you have to eat. You can't stay in your room all day. Dad won't be happy about that."

"I don't care."

"Can you tell me what's upsetting you? You know I am a good listener."

Chris just shook his head. But he got up and followed behind Buck.

He actually couldn't remember why he was mad at Buck anymore. He just knew he was mad and upset. Now he just didn't know what that meant. It was really confusing and he couldn't get past the feeling. He wanted to cry, because he sometimes felt like he couldn't express his feelings well enough. Was it wrong to be in this mood? He thinks he is making Buck sad. He knew he made his dad sad this morning.

Buck hasn't said anything since they made their way into the kitchen for lunch. His favorite sandwich was on the table. Along with his favorite drink and snack. Buck gave a small smile as they began eating, but it was in silence.

Today he just felt like he needed space and no hovering. Buck seemed to sense that too.

He let him play with the lego set on the floor by the TV, while Buck sat on the couch and read a book. Occasionally spitting out some random facts about animals that he would look up that seemed to come up in his book.

He laughed at a few, which lit up the smile on Buck's face, but they continued their silent mingling.

He was finished playing, feeling a little better, but still felt the need to be alone. He told Buck he would be in his room.

Buck only nodded, looking a little sad, but returned to his book.

This has probably been the longest he ever went without a proper conversation with his Bucky. They always had easy conversations. This time, his anxiety about his feelings, being mad at Buck, he can't wrap his head around it. He doesn't know how to start. But he knows he has to make it right.

He heard a knock at the door, and Buck appeared at the door, his phone in hand.

"Your dad is on. He just wants to check in on you." He handed the phone over and left the room.

"Hey dad."

"You feeling better mijo? Buck said you seem a little more like yourself. Did you guys get to go out and do stuff? The park?"

"No. I wasn't very nice to him today."

"Hmm, why is that?"

"I was mad at him for being mean to me."

A sharp intake of breath. "He was mean to you? When? Today?"

"No."

"I can come home and I'll talk to him. I am sorry if he was. We can sort this out."

"No!"

"Chris. It's OK if you tell me what happened. I won't get mad. It has to be addressed."

"I couldn't remember why I was mad at him. And it just came to me. I had a nightmare last night. He didn't want to save me. And then he yelled at me. Telling me I was a baby for not being brave." He started crying. "I'm sorry. I don't know...".

"Oh, mijo. You are very brave for telling me all that. I am glad it was just a dream. They can feel very real sometimes."

"Yeah, I woke up feeling very mad."

"Yes. And now that you told me, you need to tell Buck. He has been concerned about you. He's been updating me all day. You think you can do that?"

"Yeah. I am sorry I made you sad this morning. I was feeling anxious."

"I understand. Sometimes it's hard to express what you are feeling. Remember what the therapist said after the tsunami? It's better to talk about it. In your case, drawing. You don't want to bottle it up or you'll end up doing something silly. Like me and my fighting."

"Yeah. That wasn't very smart. You were so sad then."

"I was. But I am still working on myself. Oh, I gotta go. Love you! Make sure to talk to Buck."

"Love you!"

He hung up and was feeling lighter than he did all day.

He made his way to the living room and saw Buck with his head buried in his book. So he carefully sat on the cushion next to Buck, and then leaned into his side. Buck just smiled and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, but didn't say anything. They sat like that for several minutes.

"I was mad at you Buck."

Buck put his book down. Eyebrows raised. "Oh?"

"Yeah. But it was in a really bad dream I had last night. You were really mean to me during the tsunami and didn't want to save me. I woke up feeling mad and sad and anxious."

Buck's eyes seemed to shimmer a little, and he just wrapped his arms around him and held tight and new tears fell from Chris's eyes.

"I'm sorry I wasn't much fun today."

"Oh Chris! You don't ever have to apologize for having a bad day. I have those once in a while. I still have dreams about that day. Sometimes I wake up crying because I couldn't save you. Or you dad would take you and leave and move. I am doing better each day. I try and talk about it as much as I can. I kept it from your dad and my crew at the station for a long time and I got sick over it."

"I remember. You were sad then too."

"Yeah. It's OK to be sad. Just as long as you can talk to someone. It helps."

They hugged for a little while longer.

"I am really sorry that dream me was so mean to you. That was not cool. No cool, dream me!"

That earned a little giggle from Chris.

"So, Superman, how about we get out of here and go out to dinner somewhere and just get out for a little bit?"

"Yeah! Can we get some ice cream after."

"I think something can be done about that."

So they gathered their things and headed out to a pizza place that also had a mini golf place next door. It was early enough that the crowd was light. The played a round a mini golf first. Chris got a couple holes in one. Buck was not very good. But they had fun. Giggles and conversation flowed easily. Several families were watching them with smiles. A dad stopped to compliment his patience with his son.

He didn't have the heart to correct him. Even though he and Eddie were together, romantically, for only a short time now, they always felt like family. Chris already felt like his son. It just fell into place like that so easily that it scared him sometimes that he could lose it just as easily.

Shaking his head of those thoughts he waited for Chris to make his last shot of the night. This hole was the deciding factor if they could win a free game for next time. He had to shoot the ball up a narrow ramp into the clowns mouth.

He missed. But he was all smiles when they returned the clubs to the front desk. He missed that toothy smile. It had been missing all day.

They then grabbed their pizza to go and he drove to the park. He opened the trunk and they both sat inside to watch the people milling about and also they sun was setting.

It was getting darker now and cooler, so they got back into the car and headed home.

"Oh! We forgot to get ice cream!"

"That's OK Buck. _WE_ have some at home I think. Can we watch a movie before bed?"

"That sounds great!"

They got their ice cream and settled on the couch to watch Mulan. Having watched the movie several times already, they sang enthusiastically to all the songs that were up beat. And watched seriously at ll the dramatic parts.

Ice cream gone, they credits were rolling and Chris was lightly snoring in his lap. Chris was too big to carry to bed now (something he missed greatly) so he ran his hands though his curls whispering for him to wake up. They trudged to the bedroom and quickly got into his pajamas. As soon as Chris's head hit the pillow he was asleep again.

It was early in the morning when the front door opened and Eddie walked in. It was still early that he could grab a quick shower and get a few hours of sleep before Buck had to get up and go to work.

Freshly showered, he only bothered to put on some boxers and peeked into his son's bedroom. The boy was sleeping on his side, small snores escaping at each breath. He heart swelled, knowing that he got a good night sleep after his breakdown yesterday.

He padded to his bedroom and saw Buck curled up a similar position. Looking very relaxed. He climbed into bed and carefully wrapped an arm around Buck's waist.

"Hmm, Eds?"

"Shhh...go back to sleep."

"Glad your home. Chris had a bad day yesterday. It got better. I hate when he is upset."

"Me too. He's almost a teenager. We gotta deal with hormones soon."

"We can handle it. Eddie and Buck can do it."

"Yeah we can."

They shifted to get comfortable when they heard a noise at the door.

"Dad? Bucky?"

"Hey mijo. I missed you."

Chris made his way to the bed and climbed in and made his way up so he was between his favorite people. His dad pressed a kiss to his hair.

"You comfortable?" He nodded.

"I love you Dad. I love you Bucky."

"Te quiero mucho!" Buck and Eddie said at the same time.

They all laughed until it was replaced with yawns.

Within minutes the trio was asleep in each other arms.


End file.
